Fifteen
by pluto-mint
Summary: Gundam SEED. Shounen Ai. DearkaYzak. Yzak thinks about how it feels to be fifteen again. Read and review please.


**Disclaimer:** Gundam SEED and related characters belong to Sunrise and Bandai.

Fifteen 

A Gundam SEED fanfiction by Pluto-mint

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Shounen Ai. Don't read it if you don't like the theme and no flame please.

Genre: Fluffy!!!! 

Pairing: Dearka/Yzak

Summary: Yzak thinks about being fifteen again. 

Fifteen 

I see the sun rise into the blue morning sky as the white clouds drift away slowly to the east. There are laughter coming from the streets below my apartment where the children run, spreading their hands like they would fly into the sky. They remind me of us, of how we used to fly together. They remind me of the rush we used to have every time we touched the sky. They remind me of being fifteen again. '_Being grown up is just half as fun as growing up_,' you used to say that to me when we were fifteen and I couldn't agree more with you. 

When we were fifteen, we didn't think much about anything. Things like love, life, and dreams were only shadows in our mind. Like old paintings, they were beautiful but we never really knew why they were beautiful. So blur and so unclear how it seemed to be, soon they started to collide and color the pictures of our life. Sometimes if we were lucky enough, they gave us the right kind of shade and made our pictures beautiful. 

When we were fifteen, life seemed so simple. We did what we wanted to do and we did the things that we had to do. There was no such thing as needs; we didn't really need anything, we were strong and brave and witty. Everything was alright and nothing could go wrong for us. The world was ours to have.

When we were fifteen, we thought we knew everything. Things like responsibility and duty never really bothered us. And even though the war was raging, the world was on fire, and we were having the battle ourselves, the smile never really faded from our face. We were strong and special, our friendship was special.

When we were fifteen, you held my hand and we promised to be there for each other. You told me that no matter what roads you took, in the end they would lead you back to me. And I knew beyond the doubts, somehow you'd keep your promise to me.   

When we were fifteen, we had all the time in the world, the choices were ours to choose, and we could lose ourselves within a morning star.

But fifteen didn't last forever. Sixteen came and the war began to steal everything that we had: our friendship, our passion, and maybe our lives. The war started to tear us apart and within a second you were gone, lost in a mission. You started to drift away and I started to walk my own path. And suddenly we found ourselves fighting each other, trying to figure out what was going on around us, trying to figure out what was right and what was wrong.

I tried to be strong but it was you who made me fall. It was and will always be you. You betrayed me. Of all people, it was you who betrayed me. I was confused and started to wonder why. Why did you betray me in spite of all the things that we have? I was angry, I wanted to kill you but somehow I couldn't bring my self to do that, so I just stood there, watching you.

Sixteen was not really my number. I was left alone, everyone had left my side. I didn't know what to do, I had no one to guide me home, and I didn't even know what was wrong and what was right. I was lost without you.

I became so confused every time we fought because you weren't really fighting me. Why did you do that? I tried to reach for you but you ignored me. And you knew how I never really liked being ignored, especially by you. Sometimes when we collided, I tried to think about your reason and realized that maybe I was wrong; maybe the truth was that I never really wanted to fight against you. But I never asked myself why. 

I envied you, did you know that? You looked beautiful and confident as I watched you from afar. Slashing your enemy with your blade, you were strong and brave, shining like a burning supernova in the sky and the sight of you made me want to keep you forever.

And even in your desperate ways, you still looked so beautiful. When they tried to shoot you down, I finally realized that I could not lose you, not then, not ever. I could not forget your surprised face, when I fought with you, not against you, but defending you and your reasons. 

In the end you were safe, I was safe, but the war was not really over. I was still your enemy thus I could only watch as they pulled you out of my hands. You smiled to me under the haze of pain and I was glad that I'd kept you alive. Somehow your smile made me feel like I was fifteen again. But then you called out a name, her name. And suddenly I understood your reasons and I understood mine, it was love.

Those emotions that had been building inside of me started to crumble, it hurt, and I couldn't bear the pain. So we parted again, but this time it was not you who was leaving. I left you without saying goodbye. Goodbyes were meaningless; I could never leave you anyway. 

The war ended after that, it changed my life and I tried to move on without you. The dreams that I'd had before the war, I tried to reach them again. I came back to school and chased my dreams. It's funny how the war never really destroyed them; I guess there's always that child inside of me. And then I started to live again, I started to laugh again, I started to move on. 

Sometimes at night, I remember the things that happened to us when we were fifteen and I wonder where you are. Do you think of me? Do you regret the things that you've done to me? Do you remember me? I hope you do, because I do and will always do. Do you know that I've tried to forget you once only to find that a part of you will always live inside of me? You will always be fifteen for me.

Fifteen is beautiful, and fifteen will last forever. Fifteen is when you promised me that you would always return to me. Fifteen is you.

Fifteen will stay even when I am thirty three with a family by my side. Fifteen is there when I'm forty five, when I'm trying to adjust with my life, when I'm trying to move on once again. And when I'm sixty seven, fifteen will make me wiser. And somehow I know that even when I'm ninety nine, fifteen will be there for me.

I love you, do you know that? I'm twenty two now but I can still feel you. And it's odd to love someone whom you've never really met in the last five years. The last time I heard about you was when I met Athrun four months ago. It was on a conference; I was kind of hoping that I'd catch a glimpse of your face in the conference. But it was Athrun who spotted me, he smiled and I couldn't help myself but asked about you. As far as I can remember, Athrun has always had that uncanny ability to make me angry and he still does. He asked whether I missed you or not and for a moment I was lost for words. He smiled, and it wasn't just any smile, it was that kind of 'I-know-something-about-you' smile. And before I knew it, I already yelled, "Oh yeah? So what if I miss him?". Heh! Me and my big mouth! I just hope that he wouldn't have the guts to tell you or else I'm going to beat the shit out of him.

Because it's true. It's true that I miss you. Silly as it seems, but deep inside my heart, I keep wishing that you will keep the promise that you gave to me when we were fifteen. And I think about you everyday, on the bus on my way to college, in the nights when it rains so hard that I can't sleep, in the winter when the snow falls to my hair, in the mornings when the sun reminds me of your hair, in the twilights that we used to spend together, in every little things that I see. Do you still see me?

Do you know how lost I am in you? Do you know how much I miss you? I feel like a love sick girl sometimes by just thinking of you, just the mere memory of you can make me feel so happy. Hell, do you know that even the coffee cup reminds me about you and how you used to hate my morning black coffee? 

I feel so pathetic for still being in love with you, I should've hated you for betraying me but I couldn't bring myself to do that. And here I am, looking through the window, feeling the morning breeze caress my skin, half wishing that I would see you standing there, smiling at me. 

It's a beautiful morning. The sun is shining brightly; the breezes carry the fresh scent of the morning, and I wish you were here with me. The golden ray of the sun is falling on the all too clean coffee table. If you were here with me, I'm sure that you'd be spoiling the coffee table with the little crumbs of your breakfast. I sip my coffee; the bitter taste of coffee finally wakes up all my senses and I smile at the memory of your complaints every time I snatched the paper from your hand. I think I love you a little too much.

The door bell ring and I rush to reach for the door, maybe it's the paper boy. The kitchen floor feels cold under my feet.

As I open the door, I never expect to see you standing there though maybe unconsciously I'm half wishing that I will see your face behind it. The scent of black coffee is invading my senses before I recognize your face. You, standing in front of my door with two cups of coffee and a morning paper in your hands, are smiling at me. 

It takes a few seconds for me to recognize your face, you look older and taller. My eyes widen in surprise, "Dearka!" and almost like a girl (I'm so ashamed about this) I nearly squeal. Your smile turns into a grin, "Glad that you still remember me, Yzak. I guess I haven't changed that much, have I ?" and you brush your hands through my hair and whisper, "And you… You still look the same, but now your hair is longer."

"What?" feeling slightly breathless, I find it hard to cover my blush, "Why are you here?" I nearly snarl at you. Damn you for making me blush.

"Didn't I promise you that I would return to you no matter what roads I took?" The gentle tone of your voice startles me and then your lips descend on mine, brushing slightly but somehow they make my whole body burn with something. 

"Wait!" I mumble between our kiss, "What are you doing?"

I can feel your grin on my lips, your eyes twinkle with something. "Why, Yzak, I'm trying to kiss you of course. And I begin to think that we should've done it sooner." Suddenly your fingers get tangled in my hair as you whisper in my ear, "I miss you so much, don't leave me all alone again."

"Why?" my voice croaks with hope.

"I love you, that's why. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't understand how I really felt for you. I'm sorry that I have made you angry." 

I cannot help my blush and ask, "How did you find me?"

"Athrun. He told me about you," Your smile has turned into a grin now that I start to fume (Damn Athrun, I should've known I couldn't trust him!). But you pull me into your embrace and the morning paper falls from your hand as you kiss me once again. Your breath tickles my skin as you whisper softly on my lips, "I bet I can kiss you without dropping the coffee."

I smile wickedly before returning your kiss and say, "Oh yeah? Well, I bet you can't." You gasp and I feel like we're fifteen again.   

~Fin~

A/N: This is actually a songfic because the fic was highly inspired by Five For Fighting's 'A Hundred Years' song. The line "_being grown up is just half as fun as growing up_" was taken from The Ataris' song titled 'In This Diary'. 

Uhm… so how was it? Do you like it? 

Please read and review, and maybe I'll write more about this pairing. 

Anyway, I'm currently writing another GSEED fic, it's AU, it's shounen ai, and it's multi chapter. Maybe I'll post it someday but please do check the underlined word maybe. Thank you for those who have reviewed my other GSEED fics.

Once again, please read and review… ^__^ 


End file.
